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December 28, 2020
Science, Sentiment and Inspiration during a Global Pandemic
April 14, 2021
Pills, pills, pills
December 28, 2020
Science, Sentiment and Inspiration during a Global Pandemic
April 14, 2021
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Single and Satisfied

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For the longest time I loved a man and I thought he loved me back for me. I cared, I cried, I shared, -- in short, I gave everything and every part of me, thinking I was his beginning and his end. Well, I think by now you know how much of a clown I was.

Being HIV-positive made it clear that finding a partner was going to be as difficult as life itself. It meant that I had to give people time for them to decide if I was worth being a part of their lives or not. As sad as it sounds, over the years I have gotten pretty used to that fact.

We met when I was still new to adulting: I had just turned 18 and was very eager to see what life and love had in store for me. I honestly didn't know what love meant, what exactly it felt like, but I was happy to know he was my home. Four years down the line I realized I was accepted out of pity. He chose to date me because he felt no one else would because of my status. A part of me believed all this and sometimes I felt like no one else would love me because of my status. For me that was my awakening call.

"I had just turned 18 and was very eager to see what life and love had in store for me."

Maybe I would struggle getting someone to love me for me, but I needed to understand and know that I was enough despite being positive. I needed to love myself for me and not for any man or woman. I needed to own myself and my status before allowing anyone else to share me. I needed to be my own person.

A few months down the line after the hardest and toughest break up, I am still working on myself for myself of course. Trying to find love within myself for myself. Every day I get to realize that sometimes we put a lot of faith in other people, and when it doesn't work, we end up sad and angry. I am learning to manage my expectations. I am learning to allow people to actually process my status, and I am coming to terms with the choices that they make.

"I needed to love myself for me and not for any man or woman."

I am not yet there but know I am okay with you leaving or staying. As for now, I am so much single and satisfied.

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Amazing, wonderful

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Amazing piece! Enjoy this period!

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