I decided to write this article because there is a pleasure gap, meaning most women do not experience orgasm during sex in comparison to their male counterparts and the main question is: why?

Social norms and media have heavily influenced how we view orgasm. It is automatically assumed that if a woman has not had an orgasm while having sex that they did not enjoy it, which I find so frustrating.

I have been thinking of opening a bar and naming it ‘The G-Spot’, and I can bet that most of my customers will be women because most guys won’t find it. But, seriously, communicating what works (and what doesn’t) is so important with your partner. The joy that comes with having someone hit the right spot when having sex is the most wonderful thing ever. Good sex is builds connection that is hard to break.

Among women living with HIV, sex can be a very uncomfortable subject to talk about. But most people want to hear from other people what sex experiences they have had in order to feel comfortable. Men need to hear and learn from us on Life and Love with HIV and if they don’t, feel free to get yourself that dildo or your fingers and get the pleasure you deserve.

Note: women are like a charcoal burner, we take time to get in the mood, so you need to be patient and know what parts speeds up the thrill to get on that dick.

Here are some tips to making her get wet, coiling toes, hallelujah scream, and wash with her holy water:

• Gear up the foreplay- An extended foreplay session before sex enhances the sexual performance. Simple cuddles, kissing, hugging does the trick to increase the ‘love drug’ (oxytocin). As I was growing up, I used to think masturbation was such an evil thing to do, but thankfully, I have grown up. One benefit of masturbation is that women can better identify parts of their genitalia that are more sensitive and responsive. This allows women to communicate this to their partner and improve their likelihood of orgasm.
• Exercise, Exercise- it is shown that when we exercise, our testosterone levels increase. Working out also can make us feel happier, more engerized, and less stressed. All of these factors can affect our libido. Hit that gyms. You can work out for better orgasm… (ps. I hate working out. Haha!)
• Take hot baths- this can increase the blood flow to your vulva, leading to increased lubrication and sensitivity. But water is not a sufficient lubricant. So, if you get dry very quick or are not wet, use lube!
• Toys!- Toys come in handy, so recharge those batteries- this is one thing that I have never tried. Not that it’s a bad thing but it’s because I think I will discard the human penis forever once I start using it. However, they are quite popular and many couples use this to enhance their sexual activity and increase their orgasms.
• Optimal moments- It has been found that women’s sex drive increases around the time of ovulation; the breast and clits becoming may become sensitive too. I personally find these days so tempting to have intercourse, especially in the morning when reflexive erections (morning wood) is common.
• Quickie- This is a favourite of mine; him pulling that lingerie to the side, sliding in and hitting it from the back gives me goose bumps, doing this when the doors are open and you don’t know who could just pop up is, for me, the best kind of sex and the best way to get an orgasm and maybe that’s where the word came from.
• Find a rhythm- Finding a pleasurable position where you can move together in such a way that the base of his penis rubs your clitoris can help get that orgasm. You can also use your fingers!
• Delay, don’t rush- Building your way up to an orgasm, then stopping, and building up again to the point of climax can bring forth stronger orgasm instead of speeding towards the finish line and leaving in most cases the woman lying there wondering why she always makes the wrong sexual decisions and why she would allow her calories be wasted in such a shameful way. (Haha!)

I hope y’all apply a few tips. Also comment on what other tips work for y’all, I wanna learn too. Spice up your sex lives and never be ashamed to ask for what makes you have fun. Change positions, move the sex to the balconies, couch, bathroom, kitchen (keep all knives away), surprise sex, make up sex, etc.

The key to a great marriage or relationship is keeping the fights clean and the sex dirty because everything in the world is about sex except sex.