Finding unconditional love is hard unless it's a match from heaven, that I believe. It gets even harder when you're positive. One needs a lot of courage and strength. I once read an article from this blog where the lady explained how she discloses her status on the third date, and I decided to try her way. But I found myself taking the HIV test for the tenth time in the middle of the night, yes at midnight. It was his birthday so he had a small party and he hoped we could end the party by officiating our relationship with sex, and there I had to open up. He got furious, he claimed I didn't want to engage with him because he was too dark for me, among other reasons, but after taking the test, he didn't want anything to do with me. He then gave 50 Kenyan shilling (50 cents USD) to pay for a motorcycle taxi. I went home broken. I guess I had high expectations maybe because it was the third date, that was Sam.

"One needs a lot of courage and strength."

Before Sam, there was this guy that I try to forget as much as possible. He was dark, tall and handsome, besides that he was HIV positive. He was not financially stable and so he requested me to lend him some money (of which I didn't have), so I took a loan from the bank amounting to 16,000 USD. Yeah, I know it's a lot of money. I guess I was blinded by love. He went to Nakuru to invest the money only for him to go missing. He became untraceable, although we had agreed that he would give me 200 USD each month, of which he didn't. Each time I called to ask for money, he would give me 101 reasons. Whenever I look at my payslip, I feel the pain, so to the naive ladies take care, there are cones coming in the name of love.

Later after a month or so, I met Pitiz, whom I decided not to tell my status until he got to know me inside out. When I felt time was right, I told him my status, and it turned out perfect because he loved me for who I am, not for my status. So, if you're finding love, first friend zone him but not for too long! And if they walk away, don't block them! Let them see you glow, and they will start flowing into your messages for coffee dates, of which I attend, to show them that I am still living positively.

"You only live once and to be human means you try and make the most out of your life."

Have I found love? All I know is that I found a man who loves me dearly. We even moved in; I guess I am married. I am turning 30 next month and the expectations are high from my family and also the community. All are demanding for kids. I didn't know that making kids was this difficult, each month I delay buying tampons just to show the gods how much faith I got. I even went for a pregnancy test last month after a delay of five days, but while waiting for the results I started flowering, passed by the supermarket and bought my favorite junk, bacon. I have gone through many advises- “take this”, “do this”. I even met a seer who demanded 700 USD to unblock me. Have I seen a gynecologist? Yes, I did, my oven looks great. Has Pitiz gone for a check-up? No, reason being I am his second wife, and he has kids. About having kids, I have decided to wait for the right time. I even have a timeline: if I don't get pregnant by the time, I am 35 years, then I will adopt. You only live once and to be human means you try and make the most out of your life. Since every moment is precious, fight, do not let things get complicated, go to gym to be fit and remember to smile!