In today’s world, women are encouraged to be the best version of themselves and quite rightly so. Women are told to speak up and have a voice, equal rights and never settle. The gravity of these points is enormous. We only have to think about the Metoo movement. Whilst independence is a crucial point for women, which I pride myself on, it seems almost ignorant to not address how independence is achieved in my life.

Throughout my twenties, I travelled, pursued my career, bought a house and found the man I had longed for. It was such an exciting time and throughout it all I valued my independence at every step of the way. I always thought of myself as a strong, driven woman who never settles. Whilst I acknowledge this is still true for me today, my perception of independence changed as I developed dependence within my relationship. Dependence has many negative connotations, however I prefer to approach it as balance. In my relationship, I depend on my partner for love, support, and honesty, and more. By doing so, it has allowed me to emotionally grow and accept myself on a whole new level as I know he will always be right by my side. By depending on him for these qualities, it almost lightens the burden I place on myself and allows me to focus on any task in hand, be it my career, jobs within the house or simply loving myself everyday. The pressure was relieved when I gave myself permission to have both in my life. Choosing between independence and working as a team with my partner simply did not make sense to me. It gave me great confidence in knowing that I can be independent whilst depending on my partner to fulfil his role. Why do women have to choose between dependence and independence? Why can’t we really have it all? I feel no shame in saying that I have created this balance and allowed myself to have both in my life. I have simply shifted my mindset and connotations of the words to suit me and my life, and why should I? However, navigating the boundaries of dependence and independence is a personal journey. I know that I am lucky, and that dependence might not look the same for all women, particularly women who must depend on a controlling partner for financial, material, or emotional security.

"In my relationship, I depend on my partner for love, support, and honesty, and more. By doing so, it has allowed me to emotionally grow and accept myself on a whole new level..."

Women have been subjected to derogatory comments, emotional torment and simply feeling inadequate for decades. We deserve to be kind to ourselves and once in a while accept that we are good enough, we are loved and we are worth it.

In a world where we can be anything, be kind.