There are times life can be messy and that's when you feel like you've hit rock bottom and from there you can see the other side of the table clearly: the debts, being fired, emotional struggles then boom- you've got a virus in your body! And all these misfortunes are happening within the same month! Then alcohol knocked in and whiskey became my best friend- I have to say I loved it, all this was in search for a comfort zone or a solution. And there the thought of taking my own life came in as a solution, but then I weighed in the pros and cons of being dead. I couldn't imagine the things I would leave behind like the avocadoes oh! Only God knows how much I love the avocadoes. I hear there are no such things in the life after and the pain I would leave my beloved ones with. At last, life won. 

"In short, I stopped blaming myself."

I am sure some of you have dealt with that kind of dilemma at one time or other in your life. After having the suicidal thoughts, I knew I needed some help to fight the depression that was slowly eating me alive, remembering there was this day I crossed the road without observing the traffic lights. I was too thirsty and all I could think of was water, but behind my mind there were a million thoughts rushing in and out like the highway traffic itself. I was there walking deep in thoughts. Luckily, the road was not too busy at that particular time. That episode awakened me and I called a doctor friend who offered me some anxiety pills and sleeping pills since sleeping was also a problem, I don't know why but I always stayed awake, waiting for my death. The pills really helped me for a while, and then the doctor then offered to pay for my counselling sessions. After spending some time talking and crying to my counselor, I found myself healthy and full of laughter and with time everything else fell into place. I have to admit it was a long and a tiresome process that took me about 10 weeks. I stopped asking myself questions like why me? I stopped thinking of dying soon but started praying for a longer life. I stopped thinking that as the greatest sinner being punished by God. I stopped condemning sex, after all it was one of Gods beautiful creation created for pleasure only that I was a bit careless. In short, I stopped blaming myself.

"Don't assume that life is okay when it's not because you will live in denial, sadness and have a tasteless life."

We all need help sometimes, but you have to realize, admit that you need help and then ask for it. Don’t assume that life is okay when it's not because you will live in denial, sadness and have a tasteless life. So siz, don't die over thinking, don't be afraid. In life everyone has had a moment of depression either knowingly or unknowingly. Handling it alone can be hard and tough; it's always good to look for a shoulder to lean on, it could be a friend, relative or a mentor. Speak, spit it out before it's too late.