Who and Why Should I Tell?
December 29, 2019Love is Patient
February 9, 2020Who and Why Should I Tell?
December 29, 2019Love is Patient
February 9, 2020When you’re driving, there may be a sign that your eye fails to catch- it could be an oncoming vehicle that you failed to see- and then BOOM! You collide, or you could be trying to overtake, and failed to see the fast approaching car from your rearview mirror that was trying to overtake you-and yet again, BOOM! Once again, you collide- for all those other motorists in the front, back, side or wherever- bottom line is that you are all victims of the blindside, neither of you saw the other coming, but whose fault is that?
One might argue that you should have each seen the signs, you should have been more careful, you should’ve, could’ve, would’ve; but the main thing is that you didn’t; neither of you did, and now here you are. Anyone can get blindsided whether you’re a motorist or not- but I am not here to chronicle every single scenario of how that goes. In fact, I am not even here to talk about cars- this is about the emotional blindside, that point in a relationship where you get comfortable, (sloppy even), let your guard down, with your entire planning system beginning and ending with the other person- and then BOOM!
"...But the main thing is that you didn’t; neither of you did, and now here you are."
If you’ve ever dated anyone seriously, then you know what am talking about and you know how it goes- one minute things were going so well and everybody saw you two as an ideal goal, but then just like that! Without any warning they break up with you (if you’re lucky) or they ghosted you (if you aren’t), and you’re left wondering “what the hell went wrong?”. Now I know there are countless reasons why this could happen, but again, I am not here to talk about that- I am here to talk about the blindsided HIV positive people out there (shout out to my positive brothers and sisters).
There are downsides to having HIV and I could list all of them, but I won’t because if you have it, then you know them; and if you don’t have it, this is your lucky day, here’s an opportunity to find out from your friend Google. Aside from the countless disadvantages that I have not listed above, there are the obvious relationship and dating disadvantages. For example, say you meet someone and the chemistry is undeniable, and so you get acquainted in the first date and get to know one another (naturally), then after they get to know you a bit, you have a small window of opportunity to tell them about your status, and that’s the window between ‘get to know you’ and intimacy (it doesn’t all have to be on the same day). So you tell them about your condition and that according to the Centre for Disease Control (CDC), you cannot pass the virus to them if you’re Undetectable- then you cross your fingers and pray, and knock on wood or whatever else, that it will not be an issue.
The person you tell has three options:
1. They decide that you are actually a decent human being (on account of you telling them beforehand) and actually do their own research, and even offer to go with you to the clinic to find out more so that they can decide whether or not to date you.
2. They say that they are fine with it and even ask for a few days to “think about it” during which they are sweet to you, act like nothing has changed, and even convince you that they are okay with it- and then BOOM!
3. They tell you point blank that they can’t date someone like you regardless of your information from the CDC.
This article is for people in Option Two, and not for the ones who have been blindsided, but the blindsiders. There is nothing wrong with choosing Option Three, and I know this because I have gone through Option Two too many damn times, and I believe my opinion is the general shared consensus for people like us- not for all of us, but most of us at least.
There is nothing wrong with saying to our respective faces or via text (if you’re sleazy AF) or even email, that you’re not interested- it hurts, it sure as hell hurts, but at least it’s honest. At least we get the closure of knowing that the only thing wrong with us is that we have the virus and we cannot change that, so we move on and hope for Option Ones, instead of you Option Two-ing the hell out of us- then BOOM! The reason I say this is because the moment you Option Two us, we let our guard down, and we only do this because Option Two can last for any time frame (a week, a month, a year etc.) during which time we have built ourselves a great version of events that all start from what we assume is Option One. However, when you just POOF OUT of our lives, it hurts worse than Option Three, and we agonize for months and even years, over how stupid we were to think that you actually cared.
Be honest with us! At least we will spend our lives remembering you as the guy who was considerate enough to be honest with us (Option Three); we may not remember you with fondness (that’s for sure), but at least we’ll remember you with some degree of respect and won’t say a single bad thing about you. But for the Option Two’s out there, your cowardice leaves us with emotional scars that we may not be able to recover from easily.
"Be honest with us! At least we will spend our lives remembering you as the guy who was considerate enough to be honest with us ."
Some of us are already on shaky ground with our newfound status, and a scar of this magnitude can give those of us on this shaky ground a reason to default on our drugs, in an attempt towards the slowest suicide that you’ve ever seen.
Don’t be a sleazy A-hole, just choose Option Three, instead of dragging us through such emotional pain; and for the Option Ones out there, God bless your understanding hearts for taking a chance on us enough to learn more, before either Option Three-ing us, or just dating us before Option Two-ing us.