Sex is a topic that is always avoided by most of us. Sometimes we pretend like it doesn't exist. I have heard of an African community where they talk about sex when a girl reaches a certain age, like an old woman would teach the girls how to explore their vaginas. But unfortunately in my community, talking about sex is a sin, a taboo. We pretend like sex doesn't exist, and yet there are children born every other minute.

As I am writing this article, I am afraid that my ancestors are staring at me, and I am trying to avoid the word 'sex' as much as possible. That’s because I am used to the nicknames that we give to sex like 'tabia mbaya', a Swahili word for bad manners, or 'cha Baba na mama', which means for father and mother. But is sex really for fathers and mothers? Is sex really bad manners? I don't think it's either.

"As I am writing this article, I am afraid that my ancestors are staring at me, and I am trying to avoid the word 'sex' as much as possible."

While growing up, as a teenage girl, I liked everything about sex. My peers would come to me for advice, the irony being that I was still a virgin, and I only got sex knowledge from a sex program that I used to watch in the name of my best soap opera, which used to be aired at around 10pm. I really liked the show and there I got the thought of becoming a sexologist, i.e. a sex therapist, but how could I tell my parents that I was looking for a college that was offering sex education? I guess they could have fried me whole, or worse, disown me.

Being positive sometimes makes things a little bit hard especially in matters concerning love and sex. Hence sexual satisfaction becomes even harder to even talk about, especially in women. Right now I feel like I’m crossing my lane talking of the main needs of a man, but wait- women deserve good sex too! Not only the submissive sex of a good wife who never complains, but the kind that takes us to unknown world, where talking in tongues is not an option you know…But what happens if a man doesn't meet your needs, when he doesn't ignite the fire, but you have to pretend just to make him feel whole?

You try to talk to him about romance, but he knows nothing. You try to teach him, and he ends up touching one nipple for ten minutes looking up to the ceiling wondering where you went wrong, but he can't learn, because of the notion that men are always perfect in bed. And there, you start remembering of times when you've had the most sex, and you end up cheating or masturbating just to ignite your spark, and you end up being a sinner since cheating is a sin and so is masturbating, which I hear can lead to addiction.

"But what happens if a man doesn't meet your needs, when he doesn't ignite the fire, but you have to pretend just to make him feel whole?"

I always advocate happiness, but I don't have a solution for under satisfaction in bed since my solutions might be considered as sins. I hear things like dildos exist. Please recommend one that ignites the spark! How I wish I took the course, we wouldn’t be here asking all these questions.